Condensing a six or seven month story that started 18 years or so ago into one cohesive blog isn’t easy to think about. I’ve known for a long time that I would be writing this. The Moon is Full, the pieces have fallen together and the time has come.
On August 2, 2013 I will do my final radio show on WCYY. For 13 years I’ve been doing alternative mornings and Robin’s Zodiac Zone and for 18 years I’ve been broadcasting there, the last original dj in the lineup. Interestingly, we went on the air as WCYY on July 28th, 1995 and our birthday week is also my last week, 18 years later. It’s like going away to college at age 18. It totally feels like that last summer before you go away to school.
Why am I leaving? Very important question and answer. Interestingly, this also goes back to 1995 and the first year of WCYY.
For those of you who read my blog, remember back to February of this year and the 28 days of love. My daily posts were a meditation or mantra for what I hoped and knew. My significant other for many years was moving away and I knew in my heart and my core that we needed to give it another try. We got together the same year WCYY started. Jared was the first dj on the air. Some of you know him more recently as the Center for Grieving Children guy who would host mornings with Mark and me during our Mark-a-Thon fundraiser. Jared was on WBLM for a while and then came to CYY to get us started. He did the afternoon show and started the new and local music show, Spinout.
Jared and I were together for a long time. We lived together from 1996 and bought a house together in 2000. In 2003 the couple who said they’d never get married did, on Willard Beach with Fred Kennedy (from the old Zootz days) spinning the tunes at one of the best parties ever. Like lots of relationships we started growing apart several years later, and in 2011 he moved out of our house. We got divorced in early 2012 and back together this year. Life plays tricks on us sometimes. On our court date, the judge seemed to have a premonition or sense that this divorce would not last. He said something about “in case you two get back together”, and it stuck in my head always. That guy knew in January 2012, about a year before I did.
We failed at divorce.
The February 28 Days of Love blogs may be inspiration to some of you who are in similar circumstances. What I say to you is don’t give up. If you really know in your core that you should give it your best shot, stick it out, try again or make it happen. Do not give up quietly. I didn’t. In the midst of both discouragement and encouragement, I took every risk and put it on the line, and let things evolve to the point where I became willing to change the great life I’ve had here, leave the home I love and my radio show, and try something new. For love. There was no way I was tossing 18 years and the most important relationship of my adult life because he was moving away.
That’s why I’m going. Jared found out during Mark a Thon time, in December, that he’d be moving to Tampa, Florida for work sometime in the new year. He still works for a company here in Portland, but in a new location. I was newly out of a relationship and I waited a little bit before broaching the topic of trying again (I didn’t wait very long to be truthful. Time was ticking because of the relocation). The real reunion didn’t happen overnight by any means. But we spent New Years Eve and New Years Day doing the things we always did together, having drinks, food, seeing music, and running our dogs at the beach. I believed New Years’ time spent together was an omen. You don’t just spend New Years Eve and day with someone you don’t want to be with.
The process took a little longer and I’ll spare you some of the details.
Jared moved in late March, 4 Full Moons ago. By that time we were back together, sort of. It was kind of open ended. (Really, I had already decided I was going and it was no secret). We made plans for me to come visit in May and I spent 5 days, then in June 6 more and by then we had agreed I would make the move so we could be together and make a home again.
In Tampa, beyond the relationship, the yellow brick road seemed to form. I am a certified yoga instructor now, and doors opened. People were incredibly open and welcoming. My first day in Tampa I found my yoga community at a studio in Hyde Park area and on my second visit, another studio opened its’ arms and said come teach here. The founder of the central Florida yoga festival invited me to present at Rasa Lila Fest this fall. The universe gave me all the signs, and things have been falling right into places that make sense.
There’s so much I’ve left out. How easy it wasn’t. Relationship is work. Put the effort in if you want it. Avoid telling yourself stories that may not be true. Try not to let ego in. It will block your efforts or those of someone else. Be willing to get hurt. It’s part of life. No pain no gain. Tune into your gut instinct which is more than how you feel. It’s what you know. You can love someone that it will never work with for a whole host of reasons. Some relationships are undeniable though. You go through all this stuff and you keep being drawn together. Lean into it and give it happy, positive energy. Think of how it might work instead of what could get in the way. If you think your relationship is doomed or getting back together won’t work, then that is exactly what will happen. You spend time together because you want to. She’s your best friend and your lover. He’s THE one.
Jared calls it a mini vacation. I guess a few years of 18 qualifies as time off. We both agree we needed the time and experiences we had apart. And we’re ready to try again. And that is why I’m moving.
I broke the news at work a few weeks ago, and I didn’t know if it would be my last day. You never know the protocol or policy with these sorts of things. Around that time one of my coworkers, Rob, was also seriously injured in an accident. It was weird timing, but I felt like anything other than letting management know would be wrong. So I took a chance and everything has been fine. I told Mark and Rob first and we had a pow wow and a little toast at Rob’s hospital bed. I do not know yet who will be your morning show host but there should be some word on that soon. The plan is for Robin’s Zodiac Zone forecasts to continue on WCYY and WHOM (the text too!), and an upgrade in website content and services on the way before you know it!
July 28, 1995 to August 2, 2013 at WCYY. That’s a pretty good run. I’ll take it.
I intend my personal relationship to last longer. Jared just had his birthday and I promised another 42 years with first right of renewal at that time.
I cannot thank all of you enough for the morning show years. Like everyone else I have had periods of time when I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning, including some weeks this winter, but I knew you were there waiting. The Opie and Anthony time was the worst for me, but you all hung in there and so did I, and we got our music back in the morning, didn’t we. On my toughest days, I took my own problems out of the equation and gave you my best readings ever. You never knew it. You were my rock and my grounding, and so was our music. When I felt like not everything was on my side, I knew you always were. Honest.
I encourage you to do the same. When times are hardest, find a way to help or give to other people. It will pull you right back. If not immediately, then with time and practice. Fall in love with giving your skills, talents, and the best of yourself. Try it.
I have a new site in the works, and a RoZoYo (yoga) workshop penciled in here for December. I’m with you on facebook, twitter and at the other end of your email for readings and things every day. I love Portland and I’ll be back to party with you. Stay in touch and I will too.
Robinwww.rozoyo.com coming soon